Hello, Comrades. In the top ten of world copper miners is Kazakhmys.

Listen carefully, camel breath, you might learn something

They’re based in London, but operate in three ‘stans’ in the former Soviet Union – Kazachstan, Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan. The last two countries I like, because they keep my lovely Russian as their official language.

Like you care. I bet you don't even know where Kazakstan is, you ignorant English pig

They began small in 1930 with one smelting plant in Kazakhstan. Now they’re huge. They’re in the Footsie 100 and they are capitalised at a stonking three and a half billion pounds. They have 65,000 workers, too.

Don't look at me like that. Not all Russian women are hookers, bouncers and shot-putters you know

They don’t just dig up the copper in 14 underground mines and 6 open site pits, they refine it and sell it, too. Because nearly everything is under one umbrella, this makes them one of the cheapest copper producers on the planet.

Yes, there are some things we are pretty good at. Ok, chess, yes, and drinking, also, but making money as well.

They have a huge gold mining project in Kyrgyzstan and an impressive silver venture in Tajikistan. Then they have promising oil exploration rights in East Akzhar, Kazakhstan.

The chairman, Vlaimir Sergeyvitch Kim - is one of the 20th richest men in word. You fools know lots of them in England...

It’s no wonder that the chairman, Vladimir Sergeyevich Kim, who holds 45% of the shares, is one of the twenty richest people in the world.

Tovaritsch Roman at Chelsea and cousin Alexander owns your Evening Standard, for just two. They make mincement of your puny banking system

But on the down side, metal prices have had a hard time in the world downturn. Kazakhmy’s share price plummeted in the dark days of September - from £16.40p to a mere £1.70p.

You think we are all just vulgar thugs and peasants released from generations under an oppressive Communist yoke.

Which is horrendous, even by recession standards. Yet the price is improving, now standing at around £6.50. And once the world slump is history, there’ll be fast and furious demand from manufacturers anxious to restock on copper.

But we are capable of the greatest subtelty and sleight of hand in business, which is why Kazakhmys is so successful.

Kazakhmy’s pre tax profits fell heavily last time – from nearly one and a half billion dollars to 910 million. But that’s not unexpected in a world slump. Yes, they still have debt of more than one and a half billion dollars. And they also scrapped the final dividend to save cash.

So buy some of the shares or I'll have Anatoli come round a break your fingers.

But they’re still strong enough to look forward to a better future. It all depends on the rising price of copper – and that, comrades, is linked to the green shoots that may not be far off.

Good bye. Idiot.

Stats Pack: Kazakhmys has enjoyed a spectacular summer. In early July the price was below £6 but in early August the shares crashed through their year high and crossed £9. The FTSE100 monster had a market cap of £4.46m. It has a EPS of 153.25 and a PE ratio of 5.44 with a dividend yield of 2.48. The dividend cover is 7.41. Analysts expect next year's revenues to be £2.31bn with an EPS of 85.95.